This is my first post in a while, but once again life has gotten in the way. February came in and went with its usual bittersweetness. My babies were born into heaven on February 3, 2004 and February 23, 2006 so needless to say its not a very great month for us anymore.
Its always hard at holidays-- Christmas, Easter...their due dates. So hard not to imagine the "what-ifs".
Abby would be going on 4 years old and baby Nicholas would be 1-1/2 years. Sometimes, even after this long, the only thing that keeps me going is that my babies are waiting for us and I will see them again.
Just my random thoughts. I hope to post more often in the future.
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2 comments:
Hey Jenny,
Thanks for the comment! Several ladies have contacted me that have lost babies. It's good to talk to people that know what I'm going through. How far along were you when you lost your babies? (I know it doesn't matter... it is hard no matter how far along you were. I was just wondering). We thank the Lord that we weren't very far along, and that the Lord allowed everything to pass, so that I didn't need a D&C.
Hope you are having a good day!!
~Jessica
Jessica,
I was 9 weeks with our first. It was an unassisted miscarriage, no complications.
With our little boy, I was 16 weeks along and had just gone in for a routine checkup and they couldn't find his heartbeat. Because my body still thought I was pregnant, I had to be put in the hospital, induced and go through labor and delivery. It was the most painful time of my life. But we got to hold him and tell him goodbye and have closure. Which meant alot to me.
Not only did I have to be on the maternity floor with all the other pregnant women with living babies, in the end I had to have a D&C on top of all that. Then a week later I was back at the ER hemorraging and had to have another D&C.
The doctors never found a definate cause, Nicholas was perfect, no malformations or problems. They think it may have been some kind of clotting problem with my blood, which may have caused a clot and cut off his blood supply.
Both of my losses were very different, both very painful. It was easier to heal emotionally the first time because it was all over with so fast and because they say that it is so common. The second time was very hard, for the reasons mentioned above but also because for me it felt like we lost not only another baby but all hope of having a family.
So its been 2 years and nothing. We've been neither trying nor preventing. I am tugged two ways-- part of me wanting a baby, part of me petrified of having another loss. So we just wait for the Lord to reveal his will to us, whether it be adoption, our own birth child or a life with no children here on earth.
I hope I havent put fear in your heart. Every one and every situation is different. Just know that its ok to mourn, its ok to name your baby, its ok to remember him or her.
There is a great book you might be able to find called "I'll Hold You in Heaven". Its very inspirational and has alot of tribute ideas in it. We have done a lot ourselves.
If I can ever answer a question or help or just listen, I'm always here.
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